One of the things I am wrestling with is, in this Christian community I live in, some seem to think the best policy for handling conflict is to ignore it or to not tell it how it really is for fear of hurting someone. Maybe there is more hurt in the constant state of glossing over everything. Maybe its keeping us from having the relationships that would really make us better family members and people.
I also have been thinking about how hard it is to be open to criticism and change. When we are kids its hard to be chastised, but as adults we may automatically think the person telling us how to change is just plain wrong. I'm not saying we should all go out and criticize each other, but just be open to listening better. I think most of the time we know that our friends and family are trying to nudge us into the right kind of change. (And with a consensus you'll know that its not just one person picking on you). I hope I can be pliable and become the person I really want to be.
I also want to learn the art of forgiveness. I had thought lately that I had forgiven someone for doing something that really hurt. I had moved on, allowing this person back into my life on a personal level and then had them do the same thing to me again. This time I wanted to say something, hoping I could once again have this person as a friend, but I don't honestly think this person feels what they did was wrong, or could be done differently. So I go on, on guard, keeping this hurt in mind so I don't find myself here again and wondering if things will ever be good.
On another subject, summer is slipping away. We have been doing so much, I almost don't feel like I live at home, but I haven't been on vacation either. I really want some things in my life to come to a close, I really want to see a little into the future to know how to proceed. I wait for answers. I don't know how long I can endure this dull stress that follows me. I try to keep it at bay, try to enjoy things in the process, and hope I am learning from it all.
